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Being cruisers, i.e. never in a hurry to get 'back to
civilisation',
we find that there are sometimes periods of several months between opportunities to catch up on what is happening around the
globe.
The mate and I get a great deal of enjoyment out of rustling up the new and backdated
Newsweek, Time, British and other newspapers, and
lounging around the saloon after a long passage, alternately reading out odd interesting snippets to each
other.
It may be difficult for a land-based person to relate to the fact that many cruisers
either choose not to, or can't be bothered to, update themselves as to what is happening world wide for long
periods. Imagine being concerned about yet another tax law on a certain kind of
footwear, or a new Standards of Hygiene Bill, or the price of housing, when sailing on a broad reach under a blue sky and a beaming
sun, cold beer in hand and turquoise water as far as the eye can
see.
Throw in a spot of Bach, Beethoven, Ravel, Vivaldi, 'Scheherezade',
'The Stones', Clapton or Queen on the deck speakers and you're in
heaven,
even before HE summons you! What good could it possibly do one to be
reminded that half the world appears to be hell bent on wreaking havoc
for the other half at any given moment?
The day has to come, of course, when one is confronted by 'authority' (note: I refuse to give the word a capital A)
again, when going ashore. Normally, one has to swallow hard and fill in the myriad forms like good girls and boys and accept a stern look and a shake of the head because you have a parrot on
board, or a riot gun, or you don't have your check-out papers from
Martinique.
Should one try to explain to the frightfully serious chappy behind the counter that the French
island has its priorities right? When lunchtime arrives and a French loaf, Brie cheese and a bottle of wine beckons, he is off! You can leave a note at the door to tell him, or anyone else who couldn't care less, where you've gone.
No, don't spoil the bureaucrat's day, just go through the motions of looking apologetic and hope it's all over within the
hour.
We find it interesting to note that, like us, most of our sailing
friends find that problems occurring at sea are accepted as part of the pleasure of being self sufficient - mending torn sails after a
squall, fixing a generator problem,
attending to general maintenance chores and fishing for the table, not for sport. Weather
wild enough to be taken seriously. Broken machinery. All pale into
insignificance the moment one wants to stop at a landfall.
"Where have you come from? Where are you going? How long are you
staying? What have you on board? Do you have anything to declare? Here, take these
forms, they should occupy you for half an hour, and we need them in triplicate
...what's that? No! We don't have any carbon paper."
And that is if you're lucky! Woe betide you if you arrive after a difficult
passage, are too tired to shave and the boat looks as weary as you.
Instantly you, in the eyes of the 'well trained' officer in charge, become a suspicious
person.
The time wasted on his interrogation of you, his avid searching of the boat
will, of course, reveal what is on board that is illegal.... absolutely
nothing (if you have any sense at all). In the meantime, I fear, a rather spotless officer in uniform has
just checked his ship in and is busy unloading tons of some illegal substance or
other, disguised as legitimate goods. Naturally, nobody would believe
such a clean person could do anything wrong...
Having received, begrudgingly, the necessary bits of paper and,
therefore,
permission to stroll about, we purchase the latest papers and magazines.
We discover, in one magazine, that Fascism and the Nazis are doing fine and various
new 'religions' are extracting a living from the tortured souls who feel a need for
them, (listen,
we understand that middle men are essential in every business, it's fair
enough!).
Some of the more extreme religions, we discover, are now maniacally seeking to buy weapons of mass destruction i.e.
atomic and Hydrogen bombs, to be set off on any capital city - New York,
Rome, Paris, London - just to
draw attention to their 'cause'. Oh, and then there are things like Britain's moronic Millennium Dome. The sum total cost has more noughts in it than my little calculator can
handle.
So much hard-earned tax money, so little return...
We also learn about economics from the people who really
know - politicians. Loans are still, apparently, the 'in thing' as they have been for 50
years. It appears that the way to do it is to wreak swingeing taxes on your
own country's labour force and employers, then find a country that is run by a
despotic, or better still, cannibalistic, maniac, and lend him a few hundred
million.
Next, you must look suitably surprised when, this money having been deposited in a personal account in
Switzerland, the cannibal asks for more. The trick, then, is to explain to your
poor, financially beleaguered citizens why you have written off the debt and why you feel it is a tremendous and innovative idea to pour another few hundred million into the same country.
We learn that it has become, for quick-witted citizens of our native
land, good business to purchase, on a mortgage, prime English farmland, preferably with a Grade One listed building on
it. If you 'set the land aside' i.e. don't farm it, the
government will, apparently, give you sufficient financial reward to cover the costs of the
mortgage. At the same time you have the opportunity to earn an income from the stately pile as an hotel, a conference
center, studio, restaurant or whatever.
Additionally, we learn that if you, male or female, should 'get lucky' one evening and be whisked to an hotel, you may find that you wake up in the morning minus a
kidney, or even a lung! There is, apparently, an enormous demand for odd bits of human offal in good
condition. It would seem that one of my kidneys and a lung would fetch enough to pay for a haulout and
antifoul, with a bit left over.
Bit of money, that is.
After our update on the 'civilised' world, is it any wonder that we can't wait to get to sea
again? We receive mail,
faxes and e-mails, suggesting that we must be mad to want to leave, once
again, the safety of the land.
On the contrary, we sometimes think you'd have to be mad to be willing to stay
ashore...
Ooh! The Skipper does love a good rant and, let's
face it, he rants so well! Anyway, to bring you back off the ceiling,
here is an item that is slightly less contentious:
For information that may be very handy when planning
voyages there are probably plenty of good websites but one, that Chris
Price told us about, we have found particularly interesting: http://www.noonsite.com
Ocean passage-making author Jimmy Cornell has put together an excellent
site, with a great deal of useful information including customs and
immigration details for every country we tried at random, for example,
and much, much more.
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