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The Sea Gypsy And The Sad Sailor

One day, a long time ago, a lady sea gypsy whiled away a few hours in the company of a sad sailor whom she met in a little harbour as she took a break from roaming the seven seas. 

The miserable fellow spent an entire evening telling her how his lady love (whom he loved so much that he hated her), had abandoned him. He seemed inconsolable. 

She said little, for there were few opportunities to speak, as he poured out his grief. The hour grew late and the two parted company on the quay. 

The next day, the lady and her boat were nowhere to be seen, although it was dawn when the sad sailor came above decks to get some fresh air. As he opened the companionway hatch, a letter, written in a hand he didn't recognise, fell to the floor. He picked it up and sat down in the cockpit to read it. His life was never the same again after that day.

Here is the letter the gypsy lady left for him to find:

Dear Sad Man,

If you hate what you read here, read it again, and again, until you love it. This is my theory, my very own, and it is right, as you will see if you take it for your own.

When you have been abandoned by a loved one, and feel that you will never get over the loss (perhaps will never want to get over it), the descent into hopelessness and misery can feel like a punishment.
A penance for failing to prevent yourself from being abandoned - a deserved agony, worse than the grief of bereavement. 
That, at least, is caused by something which you probably know you couldn't have prevented.

The extent to which people can enjoy not enjoying themselves is staggering.
You may, perhaps, entertain the concept of presenting such a pitiful figure that the person who abandoned you relents and returns. 
This may even happen, but only if the relationship depends upon your being totally destroyed and insecure for its existence, in which case you must be prepared to remain that way for ever. Oh, come on! Please!

To a balanced human being, there is nothing attractive about a person who has fallen apart, or is falling apart, emotionally. 
Indeed, those who delight in rescuing lame dogs are often strangely resentful when the healed creature shows signs of strength and independence. 
The attraction sometimes lies in the feeling of power and importance obtained by helping someone so patently inferior to the rescuer. Not the basis for the best of lives.

In a healthy relationship, it would be fair to say, the attraction is in being in the presence of one who is strong, positive, directed and knows where they want to be going.
Someone who will do you the honour of sharing their time with you because they want to, not out of desperation or because of their suffocating neediness.
Someone of whom your high opinion seems justified and whose high opinion of you seems worth striving to merit.

2

Guilt at being considered the cause of your misery would be a lousy motive for an absent love to return to your side wouldn't it?
As for pity, it is more likely that anybody sensible would heave a sigh of relief at being free of one so patently determined to self-destruct, isn't it?

If you've made up your mind that someone's not for you, their inability to cope with life on their own would rather confirm your judgment than belie it.

On the other hand, when someone you have left behind, for whatever reasons, sparkles and shines, you may begin to wonder if you haven't been a little hasty. 
Then again, you may not. It's not something to be banked on but it's a better bet than the other route and opens up your options for new, and perhaps better, alternatives anyway.

So wince, by all means, at the uncompromising cruelty of my words and then move on.
Make a plan. Not for the rest of your life, that would be silly. A plan of what you reckon would be an interesting next move.
Plan nothing and that's exactly what you'll achieve. Nothing.
There's a simple trick to feeling better. Start by acting as if you already felt good and your feelings will catch up sooner than you may think. 
This doesn't mean donning a clown's outfit or roaring with laughter at your own jokes, unless that's the real you. 
It does mean catching yourself in the act of brooding, making negative statements or even thinking them, and taking corrective action. 
We are the products of our own thoughts about ourselves, to a large extent. Start with your body. It's tangible and doing practical things will keep you busy enough to minimise the brooding.
If you've been abusing your body, now's the time to show it some appreciation and start being kind to yourself. 
Smoke less, or not at all. Drink less alcohol, or none at all. 

3

Eat properly. Less meat, more fruit and vegetables, wholemeal bread, all the simple and good things of life. Rich food is great for a treat but fatal as an everyday diet, or taken to excess.
Rest properly. Groom your skin and hair in anticipation of caring about the way you look and feel to the touch. 
Wear clothes that you know express your happier moods. If you haven't any happy clothes, go to the nearest market or other place where economically priced clothes can be found and have a change of style. 
If you need dental treatment or glasses, see to it.
Take care of yourself the way you would want a partner to take care of you.

Next, go to work on your surroundings. If they need tidying up, make yourself start and see it through. The satisfaction will give you a boost you cannot imagine. 
If things have become so chaotic that you can't see where to begin, spend an hour deciding how you will go about the clear-up and then start work. 
Imagine you are preparing the place for the visitor you would most like to welcome in style.
If everything is ship-shape but it all reminds you of what you have lost, make some changes.

Once you have decided you want to be happy, it is time to start being a little selective about the company you keep. 
Weed out those who seem to enjoy seeing you down and wallowing in your sorrows. Start politely regretting the lack of time available for day-long boozing sessions, but offer visitors some task they can perform to help you re-model your surroundings. 
That should swiftly show you the back of anyone who has no real friendship for you.

Seek out positive people who encourage you to move forwards and re-discover the merits of your own company over that of people whom you wouldn't even think of entertaining under normal circumstances and in better times.