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What determines whether a vessel can be described as 'posh' or not? Is
it the presence of acres of gleaming brass and varnish, perhaps, or the
fact that gorgeous hostesses can be seen scurrying about with laden drinks
trays? Is size important in the equation? Can a 36' yacht be termed 'posh'
or does the description belong only to the mega-yacht class? In the days
of the ocean-going passenger liner, when the term 'posh' was invented
(describing, as you know, the cabin positions of the wealthy as Port
Outwards, Starboard Home), the level of luxury for first class passengers,
aboard even the lowliest liner, was astounding. Here Linnet Woods
describes an experience of the posh life, some forty years ago...
QUAILS, QUOITS AND QUININE
During a trip across from Trieste in Italy to Mombasa in Kenya, East
Africa, in 1960, it was fascinating to see how the crew of the Lloyd
Triestino ship S.S. 'Africa' catered to the whims of a wide variety of
spoiled and pampered individuals. Not once, as far as I was aware, did a
waiter find himself obliged to turn down a request for an obscurely named
cocktail or announce that a given brand of whisky had run out.
The first-class dining room was the scene of ever more spectacular
displays of culinary skill and artistry, with fantastic ice sculptures a
regular feature of the central buffet that was mounted nightly, for the
benefit of those who were not in the mood for the evening's banqueting
menu. Every evening, the contented hum of idle chatter, between those who
had consumed their first course and were enjoying a brief digestive pause,
was shattered by a collective gasp of appreciation, rippling around the
room, as a line of waiters emerged from the galley bearing the main dish.
The sight of a line of small roasted pigs, each with an apple in its
mouth, for example, might be repulsive to some but, to the majority
present, it was a marvel. Linen and silver, crystal and porcelain were all
of the highest quality and the chandeliers would not have looked out of
place in any palace.
In the daytime, the full-size swimming pool attracted many, whilst
others enjoyed a game of quoits, hurling small discs down the side decks.
It reminded me, slightly, of ice-hockey but without the danger of
slipping. The discs were surrounded with plaited hemp, to prevent them
from marking the perfect teak that abounded everywhere. Further along the
decks and all around the pool area, guests reclined on teak deck chairs
and soaked up the sun. When the equator was crossed many received a
soaking of another kind, as is customary for first-time crossers, but that
is a story for another time.
 A
vast playroom, crammed with exciting toys and
books and staffed by kindly ladies, kept children busy all day long. Outside,
a netted-in
area allowed table-tennis to be played without danger of losing balls, or children, overboard.
A
visit to the engine room, a vast cavern full of sweating men, stripped to
the waist and feeding an endless stream of coal into the boilers made one
wonder what terrors Hell could possibly hold for anyone who had worked in
such conditions. Nonetheless, they seemed a cheerful bunch as, indeed,
were the stewards in their immaculate whites. The
Italian captain was always resplendent, as befitted a man of his
importance, hat and shoulders festooned with 'scrambled egg' (that's gold
braid to the exacting) and perfect creases in his white trousers at all
times. When the weather would not permit
outdoor activities, or inactivity, first class passengers could enjoy the
comforts of splendid saloons or retire to their private en-suite drawing
rooms. Those who were afflicted by seasickness were able to recline in
their opulent cabins, safe in the knowledge that their groans would not be
overheard and gossiped about. Shopaholics
aboard must have been thrilled by the range of luxury goods available in
the miniature mall and the hairdressing salon was constantly abuzz with
ladies wishing to outdo one another's exotic appearance. Every
evening there was entertainment of one kind of another - cabaret; stand-up
comedy, live music - for those who desired it but one of the main events
of the trip was a fancy dress ball, for which most had clearly planned
their costumes well in advance of boarding the ship. When
the ship called in at the port of Aden, we were regaled by the sight of a
fleet of local merchants, paddling as fast as they could towards the ship,
their boats loaded with leather goods, watches, carvings and other
souvenirs to offer the passengers. Watches bought from the merchants
almost invariably stopped working twenty-four hours later, as passengers
would discover as they complained to one another. For the moment, though,
all were happy at their bargains. Small
boys swarmed up ropes provided for them by the crew and then astonished
passengers by diving gracefully over the side into the sea around the
ship, despite the fact that, from that height, one false move could mean
paralysis or death. On their return up the ropes, the boys would accept
tips proffered by appreciative passengers, some giving the impression of
having expected no reward at all, which may have been part of the act, of
course. Those days are gone now, and modern cruise
ships have taken the place of the old steam-driven liners with their huge
funnels and elegant appearance. Of course the upside is that a great
number of people can now enjoy a pleasure formerly enjoyed by only the
privileged few, albeit in slightly less opulent style... Linnet
Woods for MarineZine
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